Te Whare Tapa Whā - A Maori Model of Health and Wellbeing Māori health expert, Mason Durie, developed the Te Whare Tapa Whā model of health in 1984. This model encapsulates a Māori view of health that has five dimensions: Whenua (earth/environment), Taha Wairua (spiritual health), Taha Hinengaro (mental health), Taha Tinana (physical health) and Taha Whanau (social health). Different parts of a wharenui (meeting house) represent each of these dimensions. Without these different parts, the wharenui would collapse, exemplifying the interdependence between, and powerful influence each dimension has on the other. In Māori culture, taha wairua is acknowledged to be an essential requirement for health, but as Durie points out, it is an often misunderstood approach to wellbeing because, although it is universally experienced by humans as a subjective ‘felt sense' experience, it defies translation into words so is infrequently spoken about. Taha Wairua includes experiencing times of spiritual connection which could encompass the 'felt sense' of awe, wonder, interconnectedness, faith, hope, insight, meaning and purpose. This could be, for some, felt via the experience of karakia (prayer) or equally, for others, the awe experienced watching the sun go down. Taha wairua also pertains to unseen energies and spiritual awareness. It is believed that without spiritual awareness and knowledge of the things that uplift the human spirit in a 'felt sense' way, an individual can be considered more prone to ill health and lack wellbeing. Taha wairua also includes things that bring meaning and purpose to one's life, encompassing a quest for wholeness and knowing who you are, a search for hope and harmony, belief in a higher being or beings, one's connection to ancestors, a sense that there is more to life than the practical and material aspects of it, and activities that give value and meaning to people’s lives. In Māori culture specifically, it can include things like whakapapa (genealogy), atua (ancestors), karakia (prayer), sacred whenua (places) like Marae, sacred taonga (objects) like pounamu, spiritual concepts like mana (power, essence, presence) and mauri (life force energy), and tikanga (custom). Cultural devaluing of Taha Wairua and with that, our 'felt sense' experiences The Enlightenment period, swiftly followed by the Age of Reason, was a period of history from the 16th to 18th centuries in Europe of cultural and intellectual revolution. At this time, European society underwent a staggering transformation, in part as a reaction to both the superstition and control fostered by the medieval church. This period initiated a profound advancement in the liberation of the intellect, doing society a great favour in overturning the absolute power of state and church, which included its scapegoating of witches (the witch hunts across America and Europe in the 15 and 16oos) for the many religious, economic, climate, war and conflict misfortunes at the time. As the West's love affair with logic, intellect and science continued to grow and gain momentum during this period, what was now regarded as unreliable and subjective, including our innate intuitive skills and spiritual beliefs and practices, began to be devalued, initiating a process of gradually writing off the domain of faith, moral instruction, and spiritual direction held dear to humans for millennia. People who were intuitively, spiritually and mystically inclined, found both inside and outside of religious structures in the previous centuries, retreated to positions of lesser social authority and status. Mystics, who were influenced by both their passion for mind and reason, as well as God and Soul; and Shamans and Healers, who often worked with plant medicine and different spiritual energies, were much less welcomed as legitimate contributors of value to society at large. For millennia, up until the Enlightenment and Age of Reason, spiritual belief systems and concepts have acted as a bridge for humans into a direct connection to God/the Divine/the Sacred and were regarded as essential in navigating life’s inevitable uncertainties and challenges. One example of this is the practice of prayer, found across most, if not all, religious and spiritual traditions. Prayer induces a state of FAITH in asking a higher intelligence to show us how to best show up in the world and to illumine the right path and course of action for us in challenging times, as well as to assist us in our personal and moral development. It is the ultimate act of asking empowering questions, in a 'felt sense' field of grace and trust, where we can expect to receive the guidance and strength we are seeking. There is no greater placebo effect than this (in rational scientific terms) when faced with the unavoidable challenges of the irrational, unpredictable and uncertain aspects of the natural universe of which we are a part. In Gratitude to Taha Wairua: a bridge to reclaiming our Spiritual Senses and Multi-Sensory Temperaments In a culture in which there is currently a spiritual void for many, and in the face of dealing with challenging situations that require us to go beyond the rational mind in our approach, taha wairua is a doorway to restoring balance between our rational, logic mind and the cosmic human heart. As we enter an age where more and more people are seeking a spiritual pilgrimage into the depths of what it means to be a whole person living a meaningful life, taha wairua offers a legitimate pathway back to a spiritual foundation which ultimately supports the overcoming of adversities, understanding our own unique callings and life path, and the ethical and personal development of our character. As a therapist, I have come to understand that solely bandaging the practical issues arising in one’s life in a rational step-by-step way, to be inadequate for a human soul starving for spiritual replenishment in a mainstream culture devoid of such conversations, let alone practices. It is to taha wairua, I personally hold the deepest gratitude, for its support in opening these much-needed conversations in contemporary times where we find increasing openness and receptivity than in the centuries prior.
0 Comments
A beautiful person once shared with me that life is like a tapestry that requires discovering the right threads to complete it, as we go through our journey. A tapestry unable to be wholly appreciated until we can stand back to see it, in its totality. This resonates with me. Life, over and over again, strikes me as an active creation of this tapestry as we weave the pieces together, moment by moment, thread by thread, in resonance with our own truth. It can sometimes call for blind acts of faith as we follow the guidance of what we know deep within us to be the next best course of action to keep our creative and life force energy in flow.
That’s why it would be remiss of me, after so many years of studying and teaching healing (be it for psychological or physical issues, or both) to not speak into the spiritual and mystical aspects of the healing journey, and more generally, the journey of life. This is not to exclude or minimize the importance of medical and specialist expertise, both allopathic and complementary, nor the wide-ranging holistic health practices on offer, but more to highlight that we cannot dismiss that which is beyond ordinary human comprehension as not only a legitimate pathway for healing but for some of us, a key player in our recovery process. Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. It is a universal human 'felt sense' experience that defies translation into words, encompassing warm, peaceful feelings of interconnectedness, faith, hope, meaning and purpose. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. Mysticism, on the other hand, takes us a step further. You will find mysticism baked into all religious and spiritual traditions, all of which subscribe to the common belief that we need to know ourselves deeply to gain clarity on reality as it actually is and to perceive a higher purpose for the life we have been given. As humans, we gather and accumulate protective mechanisms from our challenging life experiences, often obscuring our ability to see reality as it is, requiring a consciousness journey to dissolve identification with these unhealthy aspects of ourselves. This is ultimately where symbolic sight and deep wisdom reside with a growing ability to read the ever-present 'felt sense' of our intuition and guidance, and a greater potential to tap into a connection with a higher intelligence, however each individual chooses to define this. Intuition and guidance is, simply put, about working with our truth moment by moment, even if it doesn’t make rational sense or is well received by those around us. It goes beyond the well-reasoned, logic mind and moves us into an intuitive ‘felt sense’ orientation. It also enables us to move beyond taking life events personally by transcending into a higher altitude perceptual awareness; one that is neutral, unbiased and symbolically meaningful. It asks us to step into the realm of TRUST, FAITH, SURRENDER and OPEN RECEPTIVITY, where we may perceive a greater intelligence to be at play, and where, in a state of humility, we can stay open to the divine design of our own unique life path and what it is calling us to do (which might I add, may not be what we were expecting nor even wanting for that matter!) It is a soul-aligned journey that could be connected into any philosophical, faith-based, spiritual or wisdom tradition of our choosing, requiring a diligence towards ongoing encounters with truth through self-reflection. We all have multiple senses through which information and guidance is constantly coming to and through us. At a base level, if we are sad, for example, the emotion is the guidance. We need to process our sadness in a way that best fits us, remaining open to the small whispers along the way. At a more symbolic level, guidance pertaining to our broader life journey may appear as internal 'felt sense' nudges, auditory messages, visual data, or a sense of simply knowing or feeling a truth from deep within us. We may receive information from a person or book that deeply resonates or piques our interest. In addition, we may also experience symbolic or prophetic messages through dreams and/or visions. These types of guidance simply mean we feel, in our inner most being, a resonance of truth – it feels right, it’s clear, and it comes from a place of neutrality rather than from a scattered psyche riddled with fear, anxiety or frenetic energy. I was re-awakened to my own guidance system in an earlier episode of poor health when I learnt to connect with and listen to my physical body. As I began to treat my body as a best friend, it guided me moment-by-moment, in baby steps, towards healing. It was the intuitive nudge to ‘shift your position this way’ or ‘try sitting under a tree and breathing’. These small whispers that I learnt to detect over time helped me to incrementally shift what could have been a lifelong pattern of dis-ease into a healing process. The key learnings of this initial intense physical crash were holistic health practices, beyond the mainstream medical ‘pill for an ill’ approach, and the importance of respecting my body rather than beating it into submission. But essentially and most importantly, I learnt the need to still myself and listen with open receptivity for my intuitive 'next steps', moment by moment, day by day. On the second intense episode of poor health, 8 years later, it felt different, like I was drowning with no ability to break the surface for breath. It was suffocating. What was actually happening, as I eventually came to understand it, was an overloaded psyche desperate to purge and purify itself. It was ultimately a crisis of my soul (the inner most part of my being) showing itself symptomatically through my body and mind, which required a rigorous fistfight with the unhealthy parts of my ego identity, as outdated conditioning and trauma-induced belief systems that had been unconsciously running my life, surfaced one by one, to be healed. This was revealed to me out of the blue via a number of different intuitive channels. Dreams connecting me to ancestors; auditory downloads; visuals coming to me giving holographic context to situations in my life; an out-of-body experience; and a honing of my perceptual awareness of the sacred (however one chooses to define it) speaking to and through me. I can offer no proof of these experiences except that I live to tell the story which broke me open to a new reality that has supported my physical healing. The guidance received during this time, once I surrendered into the process, answered two major questions I had been grappling with for many years. They were: How do we understand and heal from intergenerational trauma? How do we hone the skills of the multi-sensory system/temperament? Although I did not realise it at the time, I now know I had to experience this process in order to translate and language the answers to these questions, both of which I was to discover were interconnected. It confirmed a pattern I had been observing in healthy multi-sensory people in my clinic: that many are called to partake in some form of healing and transformation as part of their earthly assignment, be it that they are breaking intergenerational patterns of addiction, abuse, or outdated conditioning and belief systems. That when their own psyche is clear, with their enhanced awareness of the bigger picture, they have the uncanny ability and unwavering courage to transform and heal aspects of their lives, which has a ripple affect into the wider system of which they are a part, modeling a new pathway for future generations to come. I have learnt over time that although life can feel so darned overwhelming as a multi-sensory person, because we pick up on SO much of both our own and other/s material, when our health is balanced and our skills refined, we actually have souls strong enough, and perceptual skills attuned enough, to do some really tough but incredibly vital work to lead the next generations into a healthier way of Being. Our multisensory system, I have discovered, when we come to understand the gift of it, enables us to SEE holographically, understanding CONTEXT: your context, beyond your accumulated limited conditioning and trauma-induced belief systems, and the contexts of others, bringing appreciation to why, we as humans, do what we do and have done in the past. Hence, leaving us with nothing or no one left to blame as we swing the pendulum back to neutrality through a clarity of perception. Please note that as a multi-sensory you are also human, and it can be very challenging on your psyche to a) receive information at this higher level, b) process it until fully absorbed and accepted, and c) do something about it, if required, which can oftentimes go against the current of your mainstream tribe or culture. Also, if you have been carrying the conditioning and trauma lenses of your forebears, it can be very confronting to recognise your part in continuing harmful cycles. This is where the words of Jesus Christ, one of the greatest of Mystics himself, are so pertinent ‘Forgive them for they know not what they do’, now adapted as a personal mantra for myself as I continue to clear my own blind spots, and will continue do so for the rest of my life, 'Forgive me for I know not what I do'. A practice of humility, I have come to understand, has been essential in cultivating a trusting relationship with my multi-sensory nature. This is the mystical aspect of the healing life journey that I often see multi-sensory beings taking. As they clear and clean up the debris of unhealthy intergenerational patterns, through their inherent abilities to see a more nuanced picture, they courageously make different choices for themselves and pioneer a new path forward. This appears, from my clinical observations, to be a compulsory mission for many multi-sensory beings who are keenly adept at tidying up their own interior, as it persistently knocks on their door, which hones their inherent perceptual skills to see with precision through eyes of nuance and neutrality. In so doing, they tend to model and lead the greater collective into the new evolutionary paradigm I believe we continue to walk towards; that ALL life breathes together. That to make a difference to this interconnected web of life, of which we are all a part, requires transformation at a deep individual level which, with time, contributes to the growth and evolution of the greater human collective as a whole. This is, as I see it, invisible and oftentimes solitary, yet vitally important work to be undertaken by a courageous minority. To those people, I salute you. I see you. I hear you. I feel you. I honour you. I love you and I Thank YOU :) If you resonate with this blog, I hope the material I offer in both my FB page and website help enlighten, give meaning, and provide encouragement on what may feel like the tolling aspects of your highly attuned system. Your need and search for truth and to do the right thing, no matter the circumstances, may not be necessarily welcomed, nor understood by your surrounding culture or tribe/s, but by creating a supportive, respectful, inter-faith based community who are on a similar journey, I hope we are all encouraged to keep moving towards an integrity-based and love-led united human collective and global community. The following information is taken from the ‘high sensitivity’ research of Dr Elaine Aron. Whilst this research provides us with an evidence-based body of work, after a decade of my own personal clinical observations and experience working with highly attuned, multi-sensory beings, I am acutely aware that it is more nuanced than what the science presents us with, and deserves more elaboration, particularly in relation to how to work optimally with our multiple senses, and in particular, the spiritual component of this.
Through my observations I have identified highly attuned people with healthy esteem, robust physical constitutions and adequate supports and lifestyles, who don’t need as much downtime as the research may suggest, and may be thriving despite some of the traumatic experiences they have been through. Those without adequate supports, however, unresolved trauma and less robust physical constitutions are likely to (like all humans) to be reliant on unhealthy coping behaviours to survive in the world. These expressions can range from neurotic (self-blaming) tendencies right through to self-focused, narcissistic tendencies. Spoiler alert: highly attuned people may have had to shut the empathic aspect of their nature to survive in the world. Additionally when generalizing a population in this way, we can erroneously think multi-sensory beings are all the same, which couldn’t be further from the truth. We all come to planet earth, as humans, with different passions, missions, assignments, strengths and weaknesses. On the one hand, you may find a highly attuned person to be a conservative, values-based, charitable human while others identify as progressive liberal activists for whatever cause/s that are important to them. There is no one right, wrong, good, bad, better than hierarchies on this front. All is allowed and welcomed for that is reflective of the beautiful biodiversity of life itself, keeping the sum of its parts in balance. Most importantly, it must be stated clearly that high sensitivity is not a trait to be diagnosed or cured. Instead it is a normal variation of the mainstream temperament. With adequate education and support highly sensitive people have the opportunity to thrive in this world being who they are, as opposed to who they think they should be to fit into the mainstream five-sensory world. For those of you interested in the research about this temperament, please find a brief summary below. And for more information you can access the research online at Dr Elaine Aron’s website, https://hsperson.com, as well as her many books for sale online, including The Highly Sensitive Person. Four characteristics of the Highly Sensitive Temperament based on the Dr Aron's research: 1) Depth of perceptual processing using the five senses and beyond. This means higher degrees of empathy (more mirror neurons produced), conscientiousness (awareness of what is needed, and an eye for the finer details) and clear intuitive abilities (with a healthy psyche). With a deeper awareness of subtleties and nuances in their environment this can lead to… 2) Overarousal, overstimulation and overwhelm in a culture not designed with their sensitive nervous systems in mind. It is therefore vitally important for HSPs (highly sensitive people) to take regular downtime and have the skills to regulate their more easily triggered nervous systems that are picking up on a multiplicity of subtleties and nuances in their environment, from slight temperature changes to suppressed emotional content in others. They prefer calm environments to maintain regulation, and stay within their window of tolerance. And if overstimulated beyond their capacity, without the skills to healthily protect and boundary themselves, can find themselves triggered/stuck in a maladaptive stress response. Mental and physical health issues have been found to be more prevalent for this temperament, especially if there have been less than adequate childhood circumstances. Education and appropriate support is key to healing and recovery if such issues have developed. 3) Deeper emotional reactions, both to positive and negative stimuli. A big challenge for HSPs is that they can find themselves deeply distressed about the suffering of others: humans, animals and their environment. Feeling their emotions more intensely they are more inclined to do what it takes to resolve that which is uncomfortable in their psyche. Hence the 'wounded healer' is a strong pattern coming through in HSPs as they heal self to heal others from my clinical observations. 4) Awareness of others feelings including picking up on the subtle signs of repressed emotions in others, and this can cause confusion and overwhelm as a child without appropriate guidance and support. Clarification around High Sensitivity: • 15-20% of the general world population are regarded to be highly sensitive, Dr Elaine Aron coining them the ‘Priestly Advisors’ (with a stronger ‘pause to check’ system) to their counterparts, the ‘Warrior King’s (with a stronger ‘go for it’ system) • HSPs are not necessarily more sensitive to other people’s needs, especially if their baseline of wellbeing is not at an adequate level and there is unresolved trauma. • High Sensitivity is also not all about being over-sensitive to criticism, although this can happen if, once again, their baseline of wellbeing is lower than required. • High sensitivity is not a trait to be diagnosed or cured. Instead it is a normal variation of the mainstream temperament • There is a spectrum of high sensitivity, where individuals can come to understand their own unique flavour of the trait in order to support their body and psyche to cope and thrive in today’s mainstream culture. Other characteristics that have been found to be correlated with the trait of high sensitivity are: • They are often the first ones that know what needs to be done becoming pioneers in different fields ie. Einstein, Ghandi • Potential for high creativity • Sensitive to physical pain • Have a rich, complex inner life and/or connection with soul/spirit life • Prefer meaningful conversation topics with depth over short talk • 70% are introverts, the remaining 30% regard themselves to be extraverted • There are equal numbers of HSPs in males and females • High sensation seeking (one foot on the brakes and the other on the gas) is another challenge for some HSPs who have a desire to explore, are easily bored ,and feel a need to take action, despite having a nervous system that can't handle as much as they would like it to. This can lead to a physical crash/burn out state. We are all born into the world 'tabala rasa', predominantly as a blank slate.
Our template is set up by the earliest messages we receive: both implicitly (through modeling) or explicitly (through language and instruction) Although my childhood was privileged, behind the scenes was ongoing trauma. I was convinced as a child and into my early adult years there must be something wrong with me, that it was somehow ALL my fault. If anything went wrong around me I would immediately blame myself, no questions asked. If I sensed other people were emotionally upset, I would automatically assume it was all my responsibility and would set about doing everything I could to reduce their suffering. Even without trauma, our 'tabala rasa' blank slate is programmed by our early childhood experiences. Children up until the age of 7 are in the same brainwave state as someone under a highly suggestible hypnotic state. All inbound information is swallowed whole without question. So our programming is imprinted from ALL of our experiences in combination. What we see, hear and sense in our environment (often subliminally) becomes a belief-determined filter, governing our overall perceptions and choices in life, for good or for bad. So because I believed that there was something wrong with me, my prerogative in life was to prove to the world that I was an OK, acceptable human being. That I was of value and had something useful to offer. And because in the West, we tend to value high achievers, working hard and pushing through, even to the detriment of our own physical bodies, I got sucked into this too. 'Toughen up' and 'Get over it!' became my everyday mantras... We also tend to accolade the self-less: the generous and charitable spirits of our society. Now don't get me wrong, being productive, charitable and generous are all admirable traits! Just NOT when they are taken to the extreme and come at a cost to the human body. And these were the qualities I adopted in extreme to prove my worthiness and receive what all human beings crave at a deep cellular level: love and acceptance from others. These behaviours were what predominantly made up the mask I wore for the world. And the more I wore the mask the more distant I became from my own true self. The mask was so stuck-hard to my face for so many years I didn't even know it existed. I had no awareness of the mask, thinking it was the real me but never feeling quite right in myself. Wearing this mask caused my body insurmountable stress. The mask pushed me in a direction that went against who I am and ultimately the person I was meant to become. But life has a funny way of course-correcting us when we are off track! As a result of this unconscious stress, a very painful wake up call entered my life in my late 20s: a chronic illness fraught with misunderstanding by both the medical profession and general public called Myalgic Encephelomylytis, more commonly known as, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, true to its name, comes with industrial-strength fatigue. It was like someone pulled the plug out and crawling from the bed to the toilet was commonplace in the early years of having it. Light, noise and stimulation were unbearable and I found myself predominantly in a darkened room, losing my previous life as I knew it. My dream job was lost and I could no longer properly take care of my children or continue my studies. Off the back of Glandular Fever, it felt like the virus never left me. I could barely lift my head off the pillow, my flu-like symptoms and systemic muscular pain so excruciating. With my immune system shot to pieces, viral and bacterial infections landed me in hospital a number of times. And my brain turned to mush. The severe cognitive dysfunction made words coming at me sound like gobbledygook and stringing sentences together seemed like an impossible task. Everyday was 'survival'. It was confusing too because the odd day I was semi-functional. At these times I would often think to myself that it must be all in my head, and try to catch up on my 'to do' list, only to crash for days, weeks and sometimes months all over again. 3 years later I received the medical diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia with the proverbial 'sorry, there is nothing we can do for you - you need to learn to manage your symptoms' spiel from doctors and specialists. My quality of life was so bad at the time that I silently resolved myself to either getting better or ending my life. Keeping my children in the forefront of my mind, I went online to search for recoverees of such-like conditions. Little did I know at the time, my unraveling health crisis was the gateway to finally making what was unconscious in my life, conscious. It was not only the beginning of a healing journey for my physical health but also a healing journey for the WHOLE of my life. In fact healing means to make whole again, to restore back to wholeness - mind, heart, body and spirit. I learnt that everything is connected: past, present and future and most importantly, that our early programming impacts the choices we make in our lives; for example, the relationships we attract, the environments we choose to put ourselves into, the food we ingest, and the way we operate day to day, and treat ourselves and others. I learnt that the way I had been living my life, and the mask I had worn unwittingly all those years, had set up the optimal conditions for me to become very, very unwell. I also had the recognition that if I had the power to contribute to creating illness, then I also had the power to create wellness. Human belief systems and habitual behaviours, however, don't like change. Its requires a pro-active conscious effort to shift the broken record of our entrenched conditioning and automatic behaviours. Whats more, if you feel like the 'living dead' experiencing a 'living hell', mustering up your already limited energy to reflect upon unhelpful conditioning, and most importantly, taking action to 're-wire' your life towards wellness can seem like an insurmountable task! This is why what is known as 'Mindfulness' became the most healing medicinal tonic in the early stages of my healing journey. This required only my focused attention: to become present in the moment and observe my thinking patterns, the very thought patterns that had contributed to pushing my body to its limit in the first place. It was disturbing to discover the broken record that was my own dysfunctional thinking. In the background, like a low volume radio station, I realised the songs that had got stuck on replay were my worst enemies. The six inches between my ears, the noise-making machine, as Echarte Tolle calls it, had taken me for a ride in a very misguided direction. I also noticed the direct correlation between the unhealthy, nasty self-talk and how I physically felt. No wonder I had been plagued with migraines, headaches and sore tummies all of my life! The body, I discovered, was talking to me. It had been crying out for my help for so long only to be met by my own personal whipping stick, beating it back into submission as I kept pushing through. With a developing awareness of my unconscious programming, I was able to gift myself the ultimate antidote to the harsh bully tactics I had been forever dishing out to myself. The remedy was simple: kindness, gentleness and a well overdue slower pace of life. This was supported by a gentle curiosity to discover who was sitting beneath the mask and underpinned by an ever-growing acceptance of the different aspects of myself, both negative and positive. It was a heart-rending experience to reconnect with the flame that burnt bright as a child but had become dimmer and dimmer with years gone by. And this was just the beginning of my healing journey. All up, it has taken a good five years to get my body back to a decent level of health. And it wasn't without a lot of trial and error as I learnt more about my own physical body and what it ultimately required to self-heal including reaching out for support, something my faulty conditioning dictated was not for 'strong, independent and successful people'! Over time, old habits of over-helping and over-achieving slipped into the background as new healthier habits based on a solid sense of self-esteem took their place. From being a ‘yes to everyone’ girl I learnt to navigate relationships in a more healthy, genuine and authentic way. From being a controlled, rational and reasoned thinker, through the conscious changes I was making, I became more creative, trusting my instinct more and acting on inspiration, rather than the unreasonable demands from inside my own head. From a period of chaos, crisis and de-rangement I was able to discover a healthier arrangement that was eventually to become the ideal balanced and sustainable lifestyle, long-term. So contrary to the concept of cure, which has a view to eliminating or masking our symptoms, I learnt that healing demands that we re-examine the way we are living our lives. True healing actually insists that we look at every aspect of our lives, reviewing and assessing whether we are on the right track or not. Implementation of mini bite-size palatable actions ultimately led me to increasing levels of health and a better quality of life whereby I am now able to be more real and authentic, without the tiresome mask that had dragged me down for so long. In my work as a counsellor, I notice that people get so busy, so caught up in distractions that they miss the moment and they miss the absolute ultimate: connection with their truth and their reason for being here. They come to me because they find themselves derailed by relationship or health issues, often due to a series of poor unconsciously made choices. And true to the magic of life itself that totally has our back in every way, the body crashes or the emotions become too uncomfortable to ignore anymore. Its life waking us up to the path we are actually meant to be on if we are brave enough to get curious and take a peek :) These life relapses, whether relational, emotional, spiritual or physical, usually happen because people have missed the important stuff way, way back in time. They lose sight of themselves and may even have a mask on as I did. By taking time to slow down, reflect, and bring some self-compassion into the fold, they find themselves 'landing' back into themselves so they can actually bring the best expression of themselves to the world in a way that allows them to thrive, not continue to sacrifice and bring harm to themselves. The lesson I take from my own personal health crisis is to give myself permission to slow down and be kind to myself. Its from this foundation that we can actually start to make healthier decisions that support the WHOLE of ourselves. From here there is a natural flow on effect to everyone and everything around us. Because your potential to thrive in this lifetime and the legacy you leave depends on you not losing yourself along the way. So here's to creating the space to reconnect with yourself regularly in a kind and compassionate way so you don't lose touch with the truest authentic expression of yourself in 2019 and beyond.... Happy New Year Everyone :) Kira :-) Ph. 021 027 18127 A beautiful thing happened to me this past weekend.
The past couple of months have been hectic and I have missed my weekly visits to my grandmother, much loved and known by her many grandchildren as 'Mutti'. Mutti is in a resthome now and her quality of life is not the best. She feels sick a lot and lacks the energy she would like to have, spending much of her time on her bed watching TV. Today when I arrived to spend some time with her, she tells me she would prefer to close her eyes. This gives me permission to tell the truth too. I tell her I don't feel the best either and would love to join her in a 'closing eyes' visit. Well, low and behold, as we both close our eyes, her on her bed and me next to her in a chair, I begin to verbally purge everything stuck in my heart. Before I know it all my troubles and woes; my grief, my confusion, my despair and my disappointments.......and following this, my heartfelt gratitudes for everything wonderful in my life were spewed out on to my beloved Mutti. Relentlessly. Barely a breath taken in between. With both with our eyes closed. Tears streaming down my face as I did this, I felt Mutti's undivided attention as a safe haven, her loving presence was deeply felt, listening patiently and reverently as I continued to pour my heart out to her. The awe-inspiring power of unconditional love and listening with the heart, not just the brain, hit me like a ton of bricks through this unexpected, yet treasured encounter with my grandmother. I left my visit with Mutti feeling cleansed and regenerated, no longer lugging the weight of the world around, the weight that had unwittingly crept up on me due to an imbalance of 'doing' more than 'being' in the world. When we get busy we don't notice the important stuff. And that stuff gets stuck. We need to release it, otherwise it turns into symptoms and behaviours we often regret. I am so grateful for this one person in my life who I feel so accepted and loved by, to the degree that I can spill out the content of my heart, to my hearts content, and feel reborn all over again. And I hope you all have a very special person in your life like this too. If not, please find one because they are an invaluable and necessary support, helping you travel the sometimes very tricky tightrope of life in a conscious and intelligent way. Here's to the power of listening with the WHOLE of ourselves; mind, heart, body and spirit. What a true gift of healing that really is. Kira :) Ph. 021 027 18127 PS. The image below is the Chinese Character for the verb 'to listen'. Wellness in every area of our life requires a life in BALANCE.
If you are extreme in your behavior and patterns in your life in any way – overly messy, overly clean, overly attached, overly busy, overly self-critical or critical of others, overly body-conscious, health conscious, money conscious, overly controlling or even overly introverted or extraverted, this can create stress which leads to an IMBALANCE in your body and your life on the whole. Your body has a remarkable capacity to communicate with you and it does so through unwanted symptoms, habits and emotional states. If we don’t listen to its whimpers, its going to start to cry. And if we don’t listen to its cry, its going to start to scream. And if we fail to hear its screams we are likely to be looking at a full scale physical crisis of some sort. Tracking back to when the body started to whimper can be very enlightening indeed as to what may have precipitated the imbalance in your body and life in the first place. If you notice you have some extreme or excessive patterns in your life you could try asking yourself ‘How can I become less extreme in my behaviours and habits?’ and take some small steps to break excessive patterns. For example if you are overly controlling, try sitting back and watching; staying connected with your breath as you observe situations rather than rush in and interfere. If you are overly messy, try de-cluttering one small area at a time and celebrate each time you do so. If you are overly money conscious, try leaving a tip (even if it’s the smallest tip) or buy yourself something small, but of value to you, that lets you know you can spend money on yourself and you are worth it. If you are overly busy, slow down, take in your surroundings and connect with the moment. Human beings are literally walking unconscious patterns. As famous psychologist Karl Jung said ‘until you make the unconscious conscious, it will control your life and you will call it fate’. If we can start to notice our unhelpful patterns – that is bring them into the light of day – and start to de-escalate their charge and hold over us, something quite magical can start to happen. And that, my friends, is a greater sense of balance in our bodies and our lives. So as you go about your day today I encourage you to notice your patterns of excess, without judgment, and then take a small step to reverse any patterns of excess. Take the charge out of your extremes, develop new and more sustainable, health-promoting patterns in your life and watch the potential beauty of your life unfold. You might just be pleasantly surprised at what you discover! PS. If you start to make small shifts and changes in this way and you experience high degrees of stress and anxiety please contact myself or another professional. Patterns of excess often indicate there is something deeper going on and this CAN be healed. You will be doing your body and your life a massive favour by getting appropriate support for yourself and learning skills for life :) Kira :) Ph 021 027 18127 I love authentic, genuine conversations.
One such convo that has been coming up in recent times is this issue of boredom. Boredom of the ‘same old same old' grindstone of habitual routine. This feeling of stuck-ness can lead to physical symptoms of lethargy and lack of motivation, emotions from sadness to irritability, and a general spiritual malaise of ‘what’s the point?’. The point is boredom is the messenger. Its one of those uncomfortable, yet temporary visitations making us more alert to our life hunger, as Marc David calls it. Just like real-life food hunger, life hunger is a primal driving force built into our genetic coding. It’s like a personal growth programme wired in at the deepest level of our DNA calling us to grow and transform into the very best versions of our selves. Life hunger encompasses the multitude of unique yearnings we have for novelty, meaning, purpose, connection, growth, learning or creativity, and much much more. As the unrepeatable miracle that you are (NOBODY has the same fingerprint as you!) there is no one else in this world who carries exactly the same life hunger. So its stands to reason that we need to start expressing this unique yet hugely important part of ourselves in the very best way we know how. So get connected to what is truly important to you no matter how crazy or unconventional it may feel. And if there has been something you have been hankering for, be curious about how you can start to reach out, touch, feel and begin to breath life into it. Even with physical limitations we can make things happen that satisfy our life hunger and align us with our life purpose. A gorgeous local woman with chronic illness decided to write letters of support (‘love letters’, as she called them) to people around the world who were suffering from physical disabilities. Her life became purposeful by virtue of engaging in these meaningful activities, her illness coming second to the rich life she had created for herself despite her limitations. Focus on what you love, and if you don't know what that is, your assignment is to get curious about what piques your interest, make contact with it, and let the rest unfold from there.... Here's to happy ‘life hunger’ satisfaction at every level of your life, Kira :) Ph. 021 027 108127 Being connected to our values helps to set up healthy boundaries. Values connect us with how we want to behave and the qualities we want to bring to our behaviour, such as kindness, connection, honesty, integrity etc.
However our values can get confused when they are overshadowed by emotions created by our conditioned rules, or brules (bullcrap rules), as I prefer to call them. Here are some examples of brules that we pick up from the likes of parents, society, culture, religion and educational training throughout our lives.
When we can stay connected with our values then the brules tend to fall to the wayside. We are better able to make good choices and communicate our needs and desires, without any undue anxiety. Easier said than done? Sure is! But if we can become more aware of and connected with our values, aligning our actions with them gets easier overtime. And the added bonus of this is that we get to live life more authentically and with more integrity. My own personal values were a confusion to me for many years. I had been taught to 'toughen up and get over it' so when my body hurt, I ignored it. I believe that this, in part, contributed to a major health crisis that hit me in my late twenties. But after battling with my health year upon year it became clear I needed to change. And my health became, out of necessity, my number one priority. With my focus now rightfully on supporting the body to heal I naturally aligned my actions to make this happen. So when I was asked to do things I couldn't during those years here are some of the ways I learnt to say 'no'..... 'I am not up to doing that yet but please don't stop inviting me. And thanks for thinking of me.' 'I am unavailable on those days. Best wishes with finding someone who can.' 'Thanks for inviting me but I have something else scheduled' 'Thanks for the compliment. It's a big job and not one I want to be involved in so the answer is no' If we have been a 'yes to everyone' person we need to practice these scripts so that they fluently roll off our tongue every time we are requested to do something we can't or do not want to do.... And remember any guilt that accompanies your 'no' is 'false guilt'. If we can stay connected with the why driving our no, we can more easily recognise it as 'false guilt'. And if people make us feel sad or bad for saying no, we need to remind ourselves that their response is NOT our responsibility. We are responsible for ourselves and they are responsible for themselves. So get aligned with your values. Write them down on a piece of paper. Eyeball them on a regular basis and set yourself up to consistently bring healthy boundaries into your life because we can only give from a cup that overfloweth. I give thanks to the wonderful Liz Garbutt who taught me everything I know about boundary setting and was a key player in helping me to reintegrate back into the world without hurting myself after many years of un-wellness. Thank you Lovely Liz. Kira :-) Ph. 021 027 18127 To turn the field of genetics completely on its head, a groundbreaking area of scientific inquiry called Epigenetics has revealed that gene expression can actually be altered by the way we perceive our environment.
Instead of regarding genetics as eternal and unchangeable, as in ‘I have the alcoholic gene so I am destined to be an alcoholic’, we have recognized that our genes, like our neural pathways, are in a constantly evolving process of change through the interplay with everything in our lives which means we can literally switch on and off our genetic coding for better or for worse :) In other words, our genes load the gun but it’s our perception of our environment that pulls the trigger. EVERYTHING in our life is impacting and influencing our DNA moment by moment from the nutrition we ingest, the air we breath, the environments we spend time in, the activities we engage in, the people we mix with and to the way we approach ourselves, others and the world around us. Epigenetics has proven that we actually have power and control to some degree over our gene expression. It puts the responsibility of our health and happiness back on us, restoring a healthy balance to a historical over-reliance on the medical profession to perform miracles with a little white pill. With the onus returning to us to some extent we need to start to do the things that we know work, to treat the body in a way that supports our health and wellbeing, to live our lives engaging in things that make us feel uplifted, to nurture the dreams and hopes that we deeply desire, and to back ourselves 100% and trust that WE KNOW what is true and right for us. As we start to understand that our genes are engaged in this magical dance between what’s happening 'inside' of us and what’s happening 'outside' of us, we recognize that we have the power to talk to every cell in our body, determining the trajectory of our lives. In my own personal experience of being limited to a darkened room for 3 years, with my mobility reduced to crawling between my bedroom and the toilet some days, this was one of the most profound learnings I was to gain from my wellness journey. It wasn’t until I seriously looked at the way I was living my life, at various levels of my life, that I began the very slow yet incremental journey towards wellness, today now having full flexibility in my body again and thankfully discovering it is possible to live a quality and meaningful life, one that is a true and right fit for me. I know now that the way I had been leading my life prior to becoming chronically ill helped switch ON the cellular coding for the many ailments I was experiencing. As I changed my life to accommodate the healing process, I was able to help switch off this cellular coding and reclaim a quality, meaningful and joy-filled life slowly over time. And when I say slowly, I mean at a glacially slow pace as oftentimes it would feel like there was no progress of all. Change in our well-being takes time and our job is to create a foundation for our body to self-heal. This requires an in-depth understanding of ourselves at every level our life and committing to making the necessary needlepoint changes in our day to day lives in the spirit of faith, hope and self-compassion along the way. And even if it feels like there is sometimes no progress, we need to keep going. So here are some important questions for those of us who may feel challenged by life in some way...
The power of our questions determine the quality of our answers so today give yourself the gift of a few silent moments to take a breath, be present and reflect on what is working in your life and what is not, and begin to take some micro steps to support the process of change that will ultimately help your body, mind and spirit to heal from the inside out. Kira Ph. 021 027 18127 Is it possible that unwanted symptoms, emotions and habits could be faithful messengers batting for our higher growth and enhanced health and wellbeing?
What we tend to do in the West is push the uncomfortable bits of ourselves to the side, pretending they are not there, ignoring and denying them, or medicating them away. But what if these uncomfortable bits of ourselves were actually saying to us is ‘wake up’ ‘listen’ ‘I need your help’. As contemporary science and commonsense tell us, our body’s ability to be healthy relies on the harmonious balance of the all facets in our lives. Our symptoms, for example, could be directly related to a toxic relationship or environment, without any conscious awareness on our part. Hence, the importance of awareness. If we can create a safe space to be with our uncomfortable bits, whether that space be with a trusted confidente, a professional, by journaling, or just learning to sit with and observe ourselves from the stance of a curious objective onlooker, we create an opportunity to connect with and understand ourselves at a deeper level. This opens the door to discover what we may need to course correct in our lives and begins the real journey of health and wholeness in every area of our lives; mind heart body and spirit. -------------------------------------------------- PAUSE ---------------------------------------------------- I invite you to close your eyes for minute and connect with your breath and your body. Allow yourself to drop from you head into your body. Become aware of any sensations and feelings without judgment, instead holding a kind and compassionate space for ALL of who you are in this moment. Now very gently allow a picture of yourself to come into your minds eye, amidst a typical daily routine..... how you operate from the morning until evening..….Just allow yourself to see yourself in action….….. Notice how you are feeling as you do what you do throughout your day. Are you happy, light and carefree?….. or are you feeling stressed, overwhelmed and pressured? What is it like to be you? Notice and take a mental note of how you are feeling on a daily basis, connecting it to the lifestyle that you live, without judgment. And gently yet curiously ask yourself, 'is the way I am living my life sustainable and balanced for me? Does my current lifestyle give me a sense of joy, purpose, connection and contentment?' As you reflect upon this ask yourself 'do I have enough things in my day that uplift my spirit and energise my body?' If not, what’s a small change you could make today that could make a difference to your overall sense of wellbeing…...just something seemingly insignificant that could have the potential to create a powerful health-promoting, joy-enhancing ripple effect overtime if done regularly? -------------------------------------------------- PAUSE ---------------------------------------------------- Your life loves movement – physically, intellectually, emotionally, socially, creatively and spiritually. Just as our body doesn’t like to feel stuck, nor does our psyche. We need a sense of hope and purpose, especially in the more difficult times. Regaining our equilibrium when we come up against challenges, requires us to lean into the hard stuff and start to become more consciously aware of why the challenge has arrived. And once we turn the light on, we then need to gently carry out what we know to be true and right for us moving forward. If you are feeling stuck, get curious, recruit support, and start the process of moving towards greater levels of health and wholeness in the spirit of self-love. Be open to this journey of being fully human in every which way. Don’t shy away from the uncomfortable bits for they are your teachers. Get engaged and immersed in the one and only life you have been assigned which is an enormous yet exciting mystery busting to unfold your potential every moment of everyday simply through the conscious choices you make moment by moment. And trust that it’s actually those uncomfortable grueling bits in our lives that tend to break us open to possibilities and our potential. If it feels a bit too scary to lean in, remember love melts fear. Bring your warmth and kindness to any area of your life that scares you and let it melt and dissolve the fear away. What may appear scary on the surface will likely hold the key to improved health and wholeness. Kira :-) Ph. 021 027 18127 |
AuthorKira Follas is a qualified counsellor and works as Wellness Practitioner and Group Facilitator in New Zealand. She is also a survivor and thriver of multiple physical and mental-emotional adversities and is a Mum to two awesome teenage lads :) Archives
May 2024
Categories |